The weight loss wagon that is.
Although it has been apparent to those who see me everyday, I have been in denial. I have slowly packed on 40 (or so) pounds. (Who wants to get on that scale, afterall?) During the holidays though, reality persistently showed me the truth as my clothes kept getting tighter and tighter and tighter. Finally, I just decided to take my belt off because I was fearful of the upper part of my body turning blue from loss of blood flow!
Now you must know that I have not (hardly) bought any new clothes for the past 2 years!! I was refusing to do so until I could fit into a SMALLER size! Now, I'm frustrated that I need to lose weight just to fit BACK INTO MY OLD CLOTHES!
Food has been my struggle... my stronghold... my bondage. I've prayed about it, read books about it, exercised for it, I've sought deliverance over it... I've surrendered it... I've repented over it! Then, I accepted it. I mean, Paul had the thorn in his side that the Lord chose to never take away from him. Maybe this was my thorn?!
But then, I always come back to the vision God gave me. You know, I'm not one prone to having visions - God-given or otherwise! I can honestly say that I've only had 3 in my life. But, when you have a vision from the Lord, it doesn't leave you... it's planted deep in your heart and it's carried with you each day and the Holy Spirit has a gentle and beautiful (yet persistent) way of reminding you of the vision! That vision was me standing on a stage with a skirt falling off of me... and behind the skirt was a healthy, beautiful, me... as a size 12.
Then came the phone calls. Not from the Lord silly... but from my friends. "Sharon, I have to tell you about this dream I had! I saw you, and you were skinny!" Now, those are the dreams you like to hear! Three different friends, three different dreams... all bringing confirmation to what the Lord was going to do in my life.
Believe me, the Lord and I have had some talks about this vision. He has made it clear to me that he could care less if I'm a size 12 or a size 20!! But, He does want me healthy! He wants me mobile! He wants me to be able to move forward with all that He has planned for me to do WITHOUT the extra baggage that I've become so accustomed to carrying along with me! He wants me to drop the food "friend" that has not contributed positively to our relationship for a very long time.
So, this past year, I've been WAITING for God to miraculously make me a size 12! I know that He could do it. I've watched videos of women in conferences that have instantaneously lost weight! Lord... this is going to be FUN!! But alas, that has not been the miracle that God has planned for me...
... He reminds me of the time this summer when I was trying to make sense of why some people receive instantaneous healing, and others don't. He spoke so clearly to me that day in my kitchen... "Sharon, sometimes the miracle is in the process."
I think back to my 7-year cry for my daughter... believing, praying, pleading and (ashamedly at times) throwing a tantrum! "Lord, if you could just give me a baby... and if you could make it a girl... that would be so awesome!" Of course, God's plan was always to give me my daughter, but in His perfect timing, in His perfect love, what I received was so much more that a daughter. The PROCESS that I went through was necessary so that I could be reunited with my birthmom and my 9 brothers and sisters! I could only dream of having a little girl... God's dreams were so much bigger and better than what I dared to dream.
SO... THE MIRACLE IS IN THE PROCESS...
The way I see it, I have two choices. I can wallow in the guilt, frustration and anger I feel for letting myself fall off the wagon; or, I can CHOOSE to embrace the PROCESS. I can believe that the tactics that the enemy has used to keep me shackled to this weight issue is too big for my God; or, I can tell the enemy... MOVE OVER MOUNTAIN BECAUSE I'M GOING TO TELL YOU HOW BIG MY GOD IS!!
"Lord, it's a new day, a new beginning. I want to move forward. I want to continue to grow into all that You have for me! I don't want to miss a thing! YOU are more important than food! Thank you, Father, for giving me the perfect nutritious plan to follow. It's time for action. Stay close to me today, Lord. It's hard to say goodbye to old friends..."
Although it has been apparent to those who see me everyday, I have been in denial. I have slowly packed on 40 (or so) pounds. (Who wants to get on that scale, afterall?) During the holidays though, reality persistently showed me the truth as my clothes kept getting tighter and tighter and tighter. Finally, I just decided to take my belt off because I was fearful of the upper part of my body turning blue from loss of blood flow!
Now you must know that I have not (hardly) bought any new clothes for the past 2 years!! I was refusing to do so until I could fit into a SMALLER size! Now, I'm frustrated that I need to lose weight just to fit BACK INTO MY OLD CLOTHES!
Food has been my struggle... my stronghold... my bondage. I've prayed about it, read books about it, exercised for it, I've sought deliverance over it... I've surrendered it... I've repented over it! Then, I accepted it. I mean, Paul had the thorn in his side that the Lord chose to never take away from him. Maybe this was my thorn?!
But then, I always come back to the vision God gave me. You know, I'm not one prone to having visions - God-given or otherwise! I can honestly say that I've only had 3 in my life. But, when you have a vision from the Lord, it doesn't leave you... it's planted deep in your heart and it's carried with you each day and the Holy Spirit has a gentle and beautiful (yet persistent) way of reminding you of the vision! That vision was me standing on a stage with a skirt falling off of me... and behind the skirt was a healthy, beautiful, me... as a size 12.
Then came the phone calls. Not from the Lord silly... but from my friends. "Sharon, I have to tell you about this dream I had! I saw you, and you were skinny!" Now, those are the dreams you like to hear! Three different friends, three different dreams... all bringing confirmation to what the Lord was going to do in my life.
Believe me, the Lord and I have had some talks about this vision. He has made it clear to me that he could care less if I'm a size 12 or a size 20!! But, He does want me healthy! He wants me mobile! He wants me to be able to move forward with all that He has planned for me to do WITHOUT the extra baggage that I've become so accustomed to carrying along with me! He wants me to drop the food "friend" that has not contributed positively to our relationship for a very long time.
So, this past year, I've been WAITING for God to miraculously make me a size 12! I know that He could do it. I've watched videos of women in conferences that have instantaneously lost weight! Lord... this is going to be FUN!! But alas, that has not been the miracle that God has planned for me...
... He reminds me of the time this summer when I was trying to make sense of why some people receive instantaneous healing, and others don't. He spoke so clearly to me that day in my kitchen... "Sharon, sometimes the miracle is in the process."
I think back to my 7-year cry for my daughter... believing, praying, pleading and (ashamedly at times) throwing a tantrum! "Lord, if you could just give me a baby... and if you could make it a girl... that would be so awesome!" Of course, God's plan was always to give me my daughter, but in His perfect timing, in His perfect love, what I received was so much more that a daughter. The PROCESS that I went through was necessary so that I could be reunited with my birthmom and my 9 brothers and sisters! I could only dream of having a little girl... God's dreams were so much bigger and better than what I dared to dream.
SO... THE MIRACLE IS IN THE PROCESS...
The way I see it, I have two choices. I can wallow in the guilt, frustration and anger I feel for letting myself fall off the wagon; or, I can CHOOSE to embrace the PROCESS. I can believe that the tactics that the enemy has used to keep me shackled to this weight issue is too big for my God; or, I can tell the enemy... MOVE OVER MOUNTAIN BECAUSE I'M GOING TO TELL YOU HOW BIG MY GOD IS!!
"Lord, it's a new day, a new beginning. I want to move forward. I want to continue to grow into all that You have for me! I don't want to miss a thing! YOU are more important than food! Thank you, Father, for giving me the perfect nutritious plan to follow. It's time for action. Stay close to me today, Lord. It's hard to say goodbye to old friends..."
1 comment:
Wow Sharon! God is truly using you again. He has given you such a wonderful voice. I pray you continue on your SUCCESS journey. I am so awed by you.
All my prays--Kim Gilligan
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