DO YOU BELIEVE ME NOW?

It's one of my favorite songs by Steven Curtis Chapman. It's a song that I've sung many times at the TOP OF MY LUNGS, (are you hearing passionately LOUD?) It's on my MP3 player, so I can play it as often as I like.

One morning, I was in the shower joyfully singing praises to my Lord when the song came on. I begin belting out the words...

"I watch you looking out across the raging water
So sure your only hope lies on the other side
You hear the enemy that's closing in around you
And I know that you don't have the strength to fight
But do you have the faith to stand?

Believe me now? Believe me here?
Remember all the times I told you loud and clear?
I am with you and I am for you ~
So believe me now!"

Before I realized it, I was on the floor of the shower sobbing. Yes, Lord, I believe You! Of course I do! I believe You, Lord... I believe You!

At the time, I didn't realize that my world was about to turn upside down. I didn't realize that my sweet Savior was preparing my heart for what was to come.

The following weeks quickly turned into months and has painfully stretched into the remainder of the year - each day calling me to walk in a new level of FAITH.

FAITH?? I am a girl that has BIG FAITH in My God! I've been the recipient of many of God's beautiful miracles... my daughter being one of them! Praying for a baby and enduring 7 years of infertility treatments surely wins you some kind of reward for being a faith-filled woman!

And yet, I hear Him asking me the question...

"I am the one who waved my hand and split the ocean
I am the One who spoke the words and raised the dead
And I've loved you long before I set the world in motion
I know all the fears you're feeling now ~
But do you remember who I am?

Will you believe me now? Believe me here?
Remember all the times I told you loud and clear?
I am with you and I am for you ~
So believe me now... believe it's true
I never have, I never will abandon you!

And the God that I have always been ~ I will forever be!!
I am God who never wastes a single hurt that you endure
My words are true ~ and all My promises are sure!"

God has shown me that faith has many levels. If you have accepted the Lord as your Savior, then you definitely have faith.

Soon after my "melt down" in the shower, I received a call that my 25 year old nephew had been hurt after diving into the lake one day. He was star flighted to the hospital and put on life support. I had many precious prayer warrior friends praying that Kevin's young life would be spared. After 2 weeks, he passed away.

"God, I prayed and had FAITH that you would heal my nephew!" And yet, God is calling me to have FAITH in HIM. I must have FAITH in God's faithfulness! I must have FAITH in God's perfect will. I must have faith that God loves my nephew more than my sister loved her son, more than I loved my nephew! I have FAITH in His ways, not my own.

He has told me many times... I don't have to understand, I don't have to know why, I just have to have FAITH.

On the day that I received the news of my nephew's passing, I received the news that my best friend of 20 years had been diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer.

Yes, Lord... I believe YOU. I'm feeling like I've lost my strength to stand, but I know You are here with me, and you've sent armor bearers to hold my arms up to praise You! Thank you, God, You have not abandoned me...

I have prayed and fasted and believe and stand firm in FAITH that my precious friend, Diane, will be healed. She has made remarkable strides in her treatments! THANK YOU GOD!! I have FAITH in You.

But, the most difficult journey I've been walking through are issues concerning my son. Although I don't feel led to share the specifics of what his illness (the world has labeled him Bipolar) has wreaked on my family, I can share that I now realize that I have never known what the true meaning of FAITH is until now. Where the world sees no hope, I know that my God is a BIG God of hope! I know that my God loves to perform miracles today. I know that my God is FAITHFUL... in ALL THINGS... in ALL WAYS... at ALL TIMES.

And you want to know what the BIGGEST SECRET I've learned as my FAITH continues to grow? PRAISE. Ipraise God before the storms, I praise God during the storms, I praise God when the lightening bolts strike! Then... I praise God when the torrential downpours subside to a sprinkling rain... and if you watch long enough... you may even see this big girl dancing!!

Yes, Lord, I believe. Help me believe more!!

Be blessed today, and thank you for reading a little expression from my heart! :)

TRUE CONFESSION, I'VE FALLEN OFF THE WAGON...

The weight loss wagon that is.

Although it has been apparent to those who see me everyday, I have been in denial. I have slowly packed on 40 (or so) pounds. (Who wants to get on that scale, afterall?) During the holidays though, reality persistently showed me the truth as my clothes kept getting tighter and tighter and tighter. Finally, I just decided to take my belt off because I was fearful of the upper part of my body turning blue from loss of blood flow!

Now you must know that I have not (hardly) bought any new clothes for the past 2 years!! I was refusing to do so until I could fit into a SMALLER size! Now, I'm frustrated that I need to lose weight just to fit BACK INTO MY OLD CLOTHES!

Food has been my struggle... my stronghold... my bondage. I've prayed about it, read books about it, exercised for it, I've sought deliverance over it... I've surrendered it... I've repented over it! Then, I accepted it. I mean, Paul had the thorn in his side that the Lord chose to never take away from him. Maybe this was my thorn?!

But then, I always come back to the vision God gave me. You know, I'm not one prone to having visions - God-given or otherwise! I can honestly say that I've only had 3 in my life. But, when you have a vision from the Lord, it doesn't leave you... it's planted deep in your heart and it's carried with you each day and the Holy Spirit has a gentle and beautiful (yet persistent) way of reminding you of the vision! That vision was me standing on a stage with a skirt falling off of me... and behind the skirt was a healthy, beautiful, me... as a size 12.

Then came the phone calls. Not from the Lord silly... but from my friends. "Sharon, I have to tell you about this dream I had! I saw you, and you were skinny!" Now, those are the dreams you like to hear! Three different friends, three different dreams... all bringing confirmation to what the Lord was going to do in my life.

Believe me, the Lord and I have had some talks about this vision. He has made it clear to me that he could care less if I'm a size 12 or a size 20!! But, He does want me healthy! He wants me mobile! He wants me to be able to move forward with all that He has planned for me to do WITHOUT the extra baggage that I've become so accustomed to carrying along with me! He wants me to drop the food "friend" that has not contributed positively to our relationship for a very long time.

So, this past year, I've been WAITING for God to miraculously make me a size 12! I know that He could do it. I've watched videos of women in conferences that have instantaneously lost weight! Lord... this is going to be FUN!! But alas, that has not been the miracle that God has planned for me...

... He reminds me of the time this summer when I was trying to make sense of why some people receive instantaneous healing, and others don't. He spoke so clearly to me that day in my kitchen... "Sharon, sometimes the miracle is in the process."

I think back to my 7-year cry for my daughter... believing, praying, pleading and (ashamedly at times) throwing a tantrum! "Lord, if you could just give me a baby... and if you could make it a girl... that would be so awesome!" Of course, God's plan was always to give me my daughter, but in His perfect timing, in His perfect love, what I received was so much more that a daughter. The PROCESS that I went through was necessary so that I could be reunited with my birthmom and my 9 brothers and sisters! I could only dream of having a little girl... God's dreams were so much bigger and better than what I dared to dream.

SO... THE MIRACLE IS IN THE PROCESS...

The way I see it, I have two choices. I can wallow in the guilt, frustration and anger I feel for letting myself fall off the wagon; or, I can CHOOSE to embrace the PROCESS. I can believe that the tactics that the enemy has used to keep me shackled to this weight issue is too big for my God; or, I can tell the enemy... MOVE OVER MOUNTAIN BECAUSE I'M GOING TO TELL YOU HOW BIG MY GOD IS!!

"Lord, it's a new day, a new beginning. I want to move forward. I want to continue to grow into all that You have for me! I don't want to miss a thing! YOU are more important than food! Thank you, Father, for giving me the perfect nutritious plan to follow. It's time for action. Stay close to me today, Lord. It's hard to say goodbye to old friends..."